based on a true story, in 3 parts.
Hey, I agree, it was a terrible thing to do. It was awful. But consider my situation.
Seventeen years old, in college, with about four bucks to my name. I had a dead dog, a very LARGE dead dog I might add, and I had to get it across the city to the vet so they could dispose of the body.
Since I didn’t have any money, I had to take the train. And since I had to take the train, I had to put the dog's dead body in something.
Okay, listen. YOU look around your home and tell me what YOU find that can hold a dead great dane.
All I could find was a great big suitcase. So that’s what I used. Thank goodness it had wheels because I know that dog weighed like 70 pounds.
Pt. 2 (nic)
So the first thing I noticed about her was that she was, like, total prime target. She was so freaked out about getting this suitcase up the steps that her purse was flopping around and she wasn’t even paying attention. One of those hippie looking Mexican purses that college girls carry around. Ugly college girls. You know, not the hot ones.
Then I start thinking, maybe there’s more here than just her purse, and I decide to help see what I can find out. I can always grab the purse later. So I carry the suitcase up the steps for her to the train platform – holy Jesus that thing weighed a ton. I asked her what was in there, you know, just making conversation. She looked kind of funny for a minute (I guess she isn’t used to guys talking to her) and then said she was a computer sciences major and it was stuff for school.
Oh shit. Bingo.
So I switch into drive. Headed north, huh? What stop are you getting off at? Oh, me too. Hey maybe I can help you carry it downstairs. No, it’s no problem for a pretty girl like you. You remind me of my sister or some shit like that.
And that is just what I did, my friend. Carried it downstairs, passed through the turnstiles with that ten-ton suitcase loaded up full of computer parts to sell on eBay or unload out west of town. I hit the sidewalk and took off running before she could even start yelling at me to stop. I ran 4 or 5 blocks, then swerved into an alley to open up the suitcase and check out the goods.
Pt. 3 (mark)
I’ll tell you what made me move away from the city. The day I went out back to take out the trash and there was a half-open suitcase –and pardon me, this is a little disgusting- a half-open suitcase lying in the alley with a dead great dane in it. Holy Mary, I thought I was going to throw up. The way people treat their pets in this city. I went back inside, I said Annie, that’s it, we’re moving back to Kentucky, I don’t care. People here, their pets die and they shove ‘em in a suitcase and leave ‘em for the dumpster. We’re done. Start packing.